Give Me Your Eyes

So I was recently talking with a friend of mine.  This friend had been out of work for some time but has recently found a job (thank the Lord).  She was sharing with me how humbling her time unemployed had been to her.  As I listened she began to tell me how many nights she had prayed for someone to invite her to their house for dinner because she had nothing to eat.  She told me how sometimes she would eat just plain spaghetti noodles because that’s all she had.

As she spoke I began to get so angry at myself.  I should’ve done more.  I knew she was unemployed, but because she always seemed in a fairly good mood, I didn’t think things were that hard for her. I went home that night and cried.  I cried because I felt like a failure, not only as a friend but as a Christian.  Sometimes we can get so caught up in life and “changing the world” that we don’t see the hurt going on right in our own back yards. I felt like I wasn’t tuned in good enough to God…that maybe He tried to tell me but I was too busy to hear.

Does anyone get what I’m saying??? Have you been there?  Well, I prayed-I don’t want to be deaf to God’s voice.  I want to be tender hearted and eager to help others.  When He says “do!” I wanna do.

I love my friend…and if she reads this, she will know who she is---to her I say this:

“I am so sorry for not being there better for you.  I am so sorry that I was so “busy” that I didn’t hear God speak to me (if He did).  I am so sorry that I didn’t just take it upon myself to bring you a bag of groceries.  I am sorry for failing you as a friend.  And humbly, I ask your forgiveness…”

Will the Real (insert your name here) Please Stand Up???

 

This is a blog that I have been trying to get together in my mind for quite some time.  We all wear masks.  At some point or another, we are different people at work than we are at home or different people at church than we are at work.  Maybe we show more grace to our co-workers than we do to our own family. I know that sometimes I do.  The point is, at some point you hide your true self to appear better on the outside.  I have something to tell you though: God sees the heart.

He knows your insecurities.  He knows your hopes.  He knows your dreams. He knows when you think you aren’t good enough.  And he knows when you get a big head.  He knows your heart and loves you anyway.

We need to take off the masks.  We need to be real with people.  People don’t need to look at me and think that I have all together.  I don’t.  Only through the strength that God gives me can I have it together.  The more real we are with others the more receptive they are.

Some days I struggle.  I struggle with my temper, my thoughts, or any number of other things.  I tell God.  And I tell my prayer partners.  The Bible tells us to pray for one another.  When I am having a hard time, I need sometime to pray with me and for me.

Take off your masks today.  Reveal yourself to God, because He already knows.  Sometimes I have youth ask me how to pray.  I tell them to talk to God the way they talk to me.  He loves you and you know what---He likes you too!!! You are exactly what He needs you to be to fulfill the plan He has for you. He wants you to bring your brokenness to Him…He wants you to bring your dreams to Him….He wants you to bring it all to Him so that He can begin to mold the broken clay into His work of art.  Not what you want yourself to be, but what He designed you to be.

As “The Real Me” by Natalie Grant states…..wonderful, beautiful is what you see when you look at me…..you’re turning the tattered fabric of my life into the perfect tapestry….

All Because 2 People Fell In Love

Tonight I thought I would share another part of my testimony----the story of Michael and I.  We have been married for just over 18 years….he is my rock, my man, my best friend.  Here’s our story:

We went to high school together in our senior year (I had just moved here).  We met, became friends quickly, hung out; did things that teenagers do. Well, I was not exactly a “good” teenager.  I liked to party, drink, etc.  I ended up becoming pregnant (with Shelby) at the beginning of my senior year.  Michael is not her biological father.  Her father was 24 (I was 17)..yeah I know what you’re thinking.!!! Anyway, after he found out I was pregnant and that I would NOT have an abortion, he left me.  We had worked together at Publix; that’s how we met.  I went into work one day and asked where he was; he had gotten transferred to the Publix about 30 minutes up the highway.  He wouldn’t take my phone calls—nothing.  So, I worked and worked, saved and saved.  I went my whole senior year pregnant; being talked about and judged.  I didn’t care.  I loved my baby and knew I could do it! 

Well, it got to be prom time.  I of course, was not going. Why? Well, did you ever try to find a prom dress to fit around a girl who was 9 months pregnant? Back then, it wasn’t that popular!  Michael, however, had a different plan.  He asked me to prom.  I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t.  He told me I deserved to be at prom just as much as anyone else and he would be more than honored to take me.  Ok, don’t cry—I know right now you want to!!! :)  Of course, I said yes. This boy fought for me; people ostracized him for wanting to be with a girl who was pregnant with someone else’s kid.  He didn’t care; he already loved me.  From that moment on, we were inseparable.  He went with me to find my dress, shoes, jewelry, etc.  He made me laugh; and that was something I had not done in a long time.  The rest, as they say, is history.  We fell in love.  We were just 17 years old, but I knew God (who I didn’t even serve at that point) had brought me this crazy boy.  I was scared…I had been hurt enough.  It took a while for me to trust him.  Then, it took a while for me to be ok with the fact of him helping me raise my child.  I wondered if he could love her.  I wondered if he would bond with her.  I wondered. He was there when she was born.  He changed her first diaper.  She got his last name after we were married; he has raised her as his own for almost 19 years now; and will continue to raise her. He will walk her down the aisle and be the one her children call “papa”.  He is her dad in all meanings of the word. 

We have had more than our share of problems….we were way young when we got married and I don’t recommend that to just anyone.  When I was ready to throw in the towel through the years, he was the one who kept fighting for our marriage.  He is a dedicated man and he loves me; still after all of these years.

Now, we have our 2 children, our 3 wiener dogs, our youth group, our home, and our happiness…….all because a crazy boy chased a pregnant girl and those 2 fell in love…

Who Do You Think You Are????

So, last night I went off on a slight tangent on my Facebook status about people judging others.  This troubles me to no end.  We are not in a position to judge other people! Let me assure you: YOU ARE A SINNER!!!! The Bible states that we all fall and come short of the glory of God.  It is by faith alone that we are saved and made righteous.  That being said “who do you think you are?”

Above all, we are called as Christians to love others.  Am I saying we have to love what they do? NO.  We are not to love sin…..but we are to love the person.  God is judge alone.  He loves all people.  His son died for ALL people and in the end, he will stand as judge. Instead of judging others….I have an idea! (light bulb appearing over my head) Why don’t we try loving them so that they will be receptive to what we have to share with them when it comes to the Gospel? WHAT?!?!?!  Love them?!?!? Huh……interesting idea…..  People are so much more receptive when something is offered to them with love instead of condemnation.  I have witnessed to countless people (a nd had them actually listen) when I do it with love, without a pointing finger in their faces.

The Bible states that we will be judged as we judge others.  For some, that’s scary.  We better be careful.  We are sinners also; our sins just happen to be covered by the blood of Christ.  We are in no way to boast as if our salvation came from us! No! Our salvation comes from God alone…….He is the author and finisher of all things.

Allow me to challenge you.  The next time you meet someone you wish to judge….try to see them through the eyes of Christ.  Is this always easy? NO WAY! There have been plenty of people in my life that I can’t believe grace could come to so easily (see previous blog on grace).  But, that is not for me to determine.  God knows the heart.  Isn’t it so awesome that God looks to the heart of people? God sees hidden things that we can’t see-whether good or bad.  God knows the person and loves them anyway-just like He sees your heart and loves you anyway.  You are not above any….I am not above any.  Leave the judging to God, believe me, He is able to do it, you are not.  Love instead. It is what Jesus exhorted us to do while He was here on Earth. Things go so much more smoothly that way.

Raising a Teen? YIKES!

So, in the whole episode of my daughter flying the coop (see previous blog) I have had several people ask me how I did.  How I raised what seems to be (at this point anyway) a pretty grounded kid with a fairly good head on her shoulders.  How did I form such a good relationship with her and my son? How did I do it---having 2 children by the age of 19? Well, first off, let me say I am no perfect mother! None of us are, and if you think you are, you better think again.  As we all know, children don’t come with an instruction manual.  Nope, you get thrown in there and here ya go! There are a few simple things that I have always tried to remember while parenting. I will share a few of those here.  Please note: I am no parenting expert and my children are NOT perfect.  They make plenty of mistakes, but overall they are pretty good kids…

First, I have always kept the lines of communication open with my kids.  I have never balked (well not openly) at anything they have told me.  I always try to remember what it was like when I was there age, how I felt about things, and what influenced me.  Here’s the thing: we grow up and obviously, what is important to us now is not what was important to us when we were 14, 15 or 16. So, we have to rewind and remind ourselves of how we felt at those ages.  Don’t ever minimize what they are feeling; what they are feeling about a certain situation is very real to them (no matter how absurd it may sound to us)! Listen, hold them and try to remember so that you can empathize with their feelings.

Next, you don’t always have to give advice.  I know, I know! It is built into us! I know!!!!! Learn to hold your tongue.  When my daughter got her first real heartbreak, I just went to her room and held her while she cried; I said nothing.  I wanted to scream “see I told you—he was a moron!” I didn’t.  Why? Because she was already hurting, she just needed to be loved. Sometimes they don’t  need to hear what you think, they just need to feel your arms around them and feel your support.

Finally, you are the parent.  It is great to hang out with your kids (I love it!), but you are the adult! Believe me, when they get to be 16, 17, and 18 years old they will push you to your limits.  They will try to take control of your home.  Do NOT ever let them control your home.  Is it their home too? Of course, but you are the adult and you make the rules. Period.  May they speak to you and ask for certain things to be reconsidered? Of course….but it doesn’t mean it will happen.  I know parents who are afraid that their children will sneak around, so they let them do whatever they want.  NO! Then that child has control of the home….not good! When the child comes to the point of running your home, you are in for big problems.  I am not saying be a drill sergeant, but kids actually want boundaries, they just don’t know they do.

Above all, let them know you are there.  When they need you, you are there.  When they are ready to talk, you are there.  NOTHING is more important than your children. …invest the time, because before you know it, they will fly the coop…..treasure them, enjoy them, love them.

Flying the Coop

Usually I have something inspirational to say.  Usually I try to encourage everyone. Usually I write because God has used some “A-ha” moment to get through my very hard head and I want to share it all with you, so that maybe He can use that same “a-ha” moment to get through some other hard heads. But today, I got nothing.  Sorry to disappoint you. I have nothing awe-inspiring to say. Nothing that is covered with “hallelujahs” to bring a smile to your face.  Sorry….I can hear your disappointment right now. No, today I am not Kim the worship leader or Kim the youth pastor or Kim the counseling/theology student.  No, today I am Kim the mommy.  That’s all-----Kim the mommy.  I have been a mommy for almost 19 years now (I am only 36-you do the math). Being a mommy is my GREATEST accomplishment to date.  People told me I would not or could not ever be a good mommy since I was a teen mommy (that’s another blog) but as usual, when someone tells me I can’t or won’t that makes me even MORE determined to do the opposite. I knew I would be a good mommy and their negativity was even more fuel to the fire (a great big shout out to all you doubters out there!!!) Being a mommy is the most important thing (outside of my marriage and God) in my life.  I don’t write a lot about being a mommy because I don’t have a lot to offer.  When they are little, there are so many things to write about..hints, suggestions, things to make life easier.  However, when they are true teens and young adults (not teenagers) there is little to say except this:

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6

That’s pretty much all I can offer someone when they are out on their own, driving, dating, working, going to school and doing God knows what.  There are many nights of being on your knees praying, staying awake waiting for the headlights to pull in the drive way, and wondering if you are gonna have to literally kill the boy who touches her. No, all I can offer to you is the above.

My oldest is moving out today.  I am sad.  In packing her room, I have come across her baby book and pictures and I have thought of all the moments and times together.  I have also thought about all the moments and times missed.  All the mess ups that we do as parents. So, I guess in addition to the above verse, I do have one more small piece of advice….don’t waste time! It is too precious! They grow up so fast. I know how long 18 years sounds…believe me it’s not.  Do not put work, ministry, housework, homework, TV, or anything else in front of your children.  Believe me, the dust will still be there tomorrow-I promise! I thank God that I was able to be a SAHM for many years.  I volunteered in their classrooms and took field trips.  I helped her get ready for her first dance, and I helped her get ready for prom.  Today, I will drop her off at her new “home” and walk away to come to my own home.  I am terrified, I am sad, and I am reminiscent of the past. 

One more piece of advice: enjoy your children.  When they drive you crazy, when they are little and getting into everything, when they are young teens and have a smart mouth, when they are young adults and know it ALL (and believe me they know it ALL, just ask them)---enjoy them.  Each and every moment—enjoy it.

So, that’s all I got for ya today….  But, from one mommy to another…..you got this (well you and God got this), hang in there!

Stereotyped?

I have been thinking about the homeless man in NYC who got killed while helping a lady who was getting mugged.  People walked past him for more than an hour while he laid there either already dead or dying.  No one offered to help! This has disturbed me so badly.  I was watching a psychologist talk about it on TV and she said they have a name for this.  Basically people don’t see the situation as alarming and so they don’t stop to help.  She stated that possibly people could tell he was homeless, they have become immune to seeing the homeless, and so they just thought he was lying there.  No attention needed.

May I never become immune to seeing or feeling for the homeless.  Now, please don’t misunderstand me.  I know that people in NYC see a lot more homeless than we do.  I know many homeless people “hit” on these people daily, wanting money, etc.  I understand.  I saw and experienced this first hand in Beijing, China.  However, I truly hope that I don’t become calloused when it comes to feeling for others.

So, as I said, I have been thinking about this.  This poor man helped a woman get away from a mugger and was killed in cold blood.  No one helped.  Why? Because he was stereotyped as a “just another homeless man”.  He was expected to be lying on the street.  No one saw anything wrong in that.  However, if it had been a man lying there in a business suit, people would’ve done something.

Have you ever been stereotyped by people?  I have.  And it stinks! It took me years to get over things people had said about me when I was younger. Years! Do you stereotype others? If you do, please stop! It hurts more than you know.  The only thing that matters is what God says about you.  And He says that He loves you.  So much that He sent His son to die in your place.

I pray that this homeless man knew Jesus as his personal savior.  I pray that he will be remembered, not for being just a number; a homeless number on the street.  No, I pray he will be remembered for his bravery, for the honor that he showed when he helped the lady in trouble.  I pray that people will now look around them and care about what they are seeing.  Whether in a suit or in used, dirty clothes, all are people and deserve respect and love.  It’s what we are called to do.